NO, I'm not pregnant! My emotions are sure reflective of it though. I've been reflecting on this for a few days now, and I really can't explain my emotions. This holiday has always been a bit emotional for me. When I was younger, I hated having Mother's Day so close to my birthday. When I grew older, I started to realize the meaning of Mother's Day and how lucky I was to have such strong female role models. Then it became somewhat heartbreaking for me...a holiday that might never evolve for me as it does for other women...
until it did.
Many of you know this, but many of you probably do not. I've struggled with infertility issues for years. I often wondered when I might blog about this, and it finally feels like the right time. I also have spinal issues that I thought would complicate the pregnancy even more if I ever were to get pregnant. So I set my sights on adoption early on. When Chad and I were ready to add a tiny human to our family, we started researching adoption further. For many reasons, some outside our control, it was clear that adoption wasn't the right option for us. This was somewhat disappointing for me, as I had counted on it...planned a bit for it...at least in my head. Now I had to reframe our future as parents. It became even more uncertain.
After several consultations with different specialists, we decided to try and get pregnant. It took a bit over a year, lots of medication, a handful of acupuncture visits and a few IUI procedures, and we were blessed with our Gnocchi. It was nothing short of our own little miracle. I was lucky enough to have a fairly uneventful pregnancy and...
now I'm a mother.
Those are words that some days I never thought I would say. I've thought about this so much recently. I'm feel so blessed but also a bit guilty. There are so many wonderful women struggling with infertility that deserve to have tiny humans in their lives. It is for this reason...and my years of infertility...that I often choose not to wish someone - especially strangers - a Happy Mother's Day first. You never know what's going on in someone else's life, so I've always been cautious. Those words can sting...but I've just now realized how wonderful they can be.
To those of you celebrating Mother's Day, I hope it was wonderful.
To those of you avoiding it, I hope you were able to spend it with someone you love...someone you can lean on for support during this emotional time.
Even though I'm now a mother, I'm finding it all still very emotional.
I'm so grateful for my little family!
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